I am not a very good Christian. I have never been able to avoid one particular pitfall. I have never been able not to judge others. If someone said something like ‘being gay is contagious and any young person can be made gay’, I judge that homophobe stupid. There is no logic to this argument. I like men, and no amount of Angelina Jolie lookalikes have ever been able to change my mind.
I assume same goes for a gay woman for whom no amount of Brad Pitts could turn her away from another woman. It’s not exactly a choice. So, yes, I think homophobes are ignorant or worse, unable to come to terms with the fact that they themselves might be gay. See, I’m judging and according to St. Matthew, I must ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged’, ergo I do not make a good Christian. But to be honest there are a few commandments that stand in my way of being a good Christian. First, I’ve never been to Egypt, pretty sure no one in my family tree has been to Egypt, but God tells me that he has brought me out of there, saved me from slavery. I know slavery is a real thing, so thank you God. For this deed God requires a few small gestures of gratitude in return. Commandment 1: ‘You shall have no other gods before me.’ No problem. Commandment 2: ‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image’, not much of an artist myself, so again, not a problem. Commandment number 3: ‘Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord they God in vain.’ Yes, so, that one went out the window the moment I learned to speak. I’m trying to curtail it now, just so I can be around polite company, but haven’t succeeded yet. Commandment 4: ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.’ Not in this economy, not a chance. I work any job I can find so that I can eat and also I have a dependent, a hellish cat named Motik. If I don’t feed her, she might eat me one day. ‘Honor thy father and thy mother.’ Both dead and I honor their memory, also while they were alive it was not a problem for me, but for the children of alcoholic of sexually abusive parents this is probably not the best advice. ‘Thou shall not kill and thou shall not steal’, easy. Even if I didn’t believe in God and wasn’t afraid of the afterlife repercussions, the judiciary system would eventually get me. To be honest I am more afraid of the current prison system than the inferno that might await me in the afterlife. ‘Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s house or neighbor’s wife.’ First, women and houses are not the same. One is a living, breathing, thinking being, the other is a building made of straw, wood or bricks. And only pigs who live in those houses think that women are equal to property that can be sold or demolished on a whim. Secondly, I’m not gay so why would I covet another man’s wife? His servants on the other hand, well that’s a different story- a good housekeeper is very hard to find. He can keep the ox and the donkey. So you see, it’s hard to be a good Christian. On top of that, I don’t go to church, because I don’t like the scary priest we have and the unwelcoming hoard of housewives that I know talk about me behind my back. All I do is pay my taxes, feed the homeless at the shelter when I have the time to help out, volunteer at the library and maintain a very healthy distance between me and the Satanist Cult that gathers on Saturdays on the 11th floor of my building. I don’t think gay people are any less human than me, I don’t think a woman should have less rights than a man, I don’t think priests are above me or the law that I have to live by, and I think Jesus Christ, you know, the son of God whose name I take in vain would agree with me.  Maybe, but by Church definition I cannot be a good Christian, but I can always attempt to be a better human being, and that’s just fine with me and my God.