Last week, I started giving these hints and tips to my foreign friends and the tourists and my compatriots too because I don’t want them to be overly surprised and embarrassed when they inevitably come across those habits of ours while they have to do with this culture (look for the first 10 tips in previous issue):
11. Peeing in entrances of houses, especially in so called Italian yards, especially if they are dark enough to be used as a toilet, happens to be a big national pleasure here. So be careful if you run into a man in works – you may frighten him to death. Why should you do that?
12. Spitting in the streets is one of the most popular sports here, especially among men. Women are still bashful, but you may find some females who are trying themselves in the field.
13. Black color in dress is prevalent in Georgia, even in the summertime. This is the enigma nobody can divulge. There is definitely some mystery to it – maybe the concept of sexiness.
14. Panhandlers are more aggressive here than anywhere else in the world. They are not asking – they are demanding. And you better bear with them. Or else!
15. Georgia is the world of over-pampered kids. No, not that they want to be over-doted-on! They are the unfortunate victims of moms and dads who do not know better.
16. We cannot but use our cell-phones in movie-theaters, especially when the film is on. I think the biggest invention of the century for a Georgia cell-phone user would be a water-proof phone – we would be using it while swimming in the sea. Would be cool, wouldn’t it?
17. Loud talking in theatres is also OK here – chatting never stops in this land.
18. We like borrowing money, and we do a lot of borrowing, but once we need to return the debt, we start hating our benefactors. Money-lending-borrowing industry creates enemies here.
19. Lines in Georgia look very peculiar – no distance between persons! And breathing right into each other’s necks is what we like to do, especially in the banks – you see, information about OPM (other people’s money) is always fun to snatch. This is line-hating nation!
20. High-level civil servants, especially the younger ones who usually move around with the help of chauffeured cars full of security personnel, love to pass on our roads with overstated pomp and noise – they probably need to inform the society of their presence ... in the street. How else!
21. We love unexpected visits without the preliminary telephone calls. The appointment rules are out of usage here.
22. Food consumption manners truly need improvement. We usually put on the table more than we can possible consume. Why? Nobody knows. Tradition? Yes, but a very atavistic one!
The after-party uneaten food can feed three times as many people as there were at the table.
23. The worst of the habits is our funeral parties. As a matter of fact, a person’s passing away could be understood as a great pastime – eat and drink free as much as your stomach would be capable of accommodating. You just need to be a relative or a friend of the dead. Even less than important than that to lawfully participate!
24. Cemeteries – regular construction sites. Why do we need to put that much concrete load over a dead person? Are we afraid that they might run away? Cemetery is the greatest place of competition in Georgia! Why can’t we compete more rationally?
25. We do not bury our dead on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays – should be some serious restriction out there in books.
26. The biggest time, energy and money spenders in Georgia: civil funeral rites, service for the dead, year-mind, 40-day mind, public memorial service, office for the dead, funeral oration, wakes, vigils, etc.
27. Stupid unlikely constructions in our towns are ubiquitous! Are our architects and city planners haters of their motherland? Not excluded!
I have much more to say but let us first digest this until we meet again.